One of my coaching clients said something in our session this week that stopped me in my tracks.
She said, “I’m trying to say ‘and’ instead of ‘but’ more often.”
I asked her what she meant.
She said: “I had a nice weekend, but I had a cold.”
Then she paused.
“I want to reframe that. I had a nice weekend and I had a cold. Both things can be true without one canceling out the other.”
Brilliant.
The Problem
Every time you say “but,” you negate everything that came before it.
“I felt proud of my project, but my manager has a lot of priorities.”
Translation: My accomplishment doesn’t matter because my manager is busy.
“I want to get promoted, but promotion rates are lower than they used to be.”
Translation: I want something, but it’s probably not going to happen.
See what happens?
The word “but” trains your brain to focus on the negative.
It creates an either/or situation when both things can exist at the same time.
The Big Small Thing
Replace “but” with “and” when talking to yourself about work.
Here’s how it changes your self-talk:
Instead of: “I got great feedback on my presentation, but I forgot to include the Q3 data.”
Try: “I got great feedback on my presentation, and I forgot to include the Q3 data.”
You can celebrate the win and note the miss. They coexist.
When you use “but,” your brain registers: Problem. Obstacle. Reason to stop.
When you use “and,” your brain registers: Multiple truths. Complexity. Room to move forward.
“And” keeps you motivated. “But” shuts you down.
Want more like this? Here’s is a no BS guide to getting promoted.
How This Helps You Get What You Want
Saying “but” is your brain’s way of building a case against yourself.
It’s the prosecutor in your own mental courtroom, presenting evidence for why you shouldn’t try, shouldn’t ask, shouldn’t believe things could work out.
Saying “and” is just… facts. Two things existing at the same time. No drama.
“And” will not solve all your problems.
However, it will stop you from creating new ones in your head.
