People aren’t lying awake thinking about your mistake, so you shouldn’t be either

The Problem

You wrote an email to your boss’s boss about your key project. You reviewed it so many times that you got bleary eyed. And yet, right after you sent it, you realized you had a glaring typo. For the two hours following, you felt stupid and frustrated.

The Big Small Thing

People aren’t lying awake at night thinking about:

• Your typo in an email
• Your comment in a meeting
• Your presentation skills

Because they’re lying awake at night thinking about:

• Their typo in an email
• Their comment in a meeting
• Their presentation skills

And this is true even if that person is your boss. 

Everyone is their own worst critic, so that leaves less space for them to be your critic. 

Here’s an example of how I took my own advice when I spotted a glaring typo in a subject line after sending my email to Kim Scott, NYTimes bestselling author of #RadicalCandor and #JustWork.

She has taken me under her wing as I write my book, so you can imagine my horror when I spotted:

🤦🏽♀️The writing mistake
🤦🏽♀️ To a famous writer I deeply admire
🤦🏽♀️ Who’s mentoring me … TO BE A WRITER!

When I wrote that email I was:
🙄 Nervous
🙄 Stressed
🙄 Overtired

But one has to assume Kim did not:
🤷🏼♀️ Care
🤷🏼♀️ Notice – our brains often fill in missing words
🤷🏼♀️ Downgrade my mythical “writer potential” score

Which is why we should all:
🙂 Take 5 deep breaths & move on when we notice a big typo
🙂 Not write important emails when we are tired
🙂 Have the confidence that others see the bigger picture than one typo; our meeting was wonderful

How This Helps You Get What You Want

When you realize no one else is dwelling on your typo, it gives you permission to stop the negative self-talk. Dwelling takes up energy; energy is a precious but finite resource you need to do your best work and maximize your impact. 

This concept is called the spotlight effect. You put a spotlight on you and others put a spotlight on them. When you are aware of it, it changes how you approach everything in your job, relationship, or school.