How to handle negative feedback without losing your confidence

A few years ago, I got some brutal feedback after a keynote:

“Jenny Wood was terrible. Every time I wanted to drop off the call and stop wasting my time, I would stay for the entertainment. Most of my department felt the same. It literally felt like she was reading off a teleprompter — very unnatural.”

Ouch.

I had gotten plenty of positive feedback from that same talk. People loved it! They said it changed how they thought about their careers and leadership skills.

But guess which feedback I obsessed over? The brutal one.

I kept thinking: “Was I really that bad? Should I stop doing this? Maybe they’re right.”

The Problem

You give a presentation, launch a project, or share something you worked hard on. Ten people tell you it’s great. One person criticizes it.

Guess which comment plays on repeat in your head for the next week?

You stew over it. You let it ruin your confidence. You wonder if you should just quit.

The Big Small Thing

When you get negative feedback, it’s time to “Burn, Learn, and Churn.”

Here’s how it works:

Step #1: BURN what’s not useful.

“Jenny Wood was terrible. Every time I wanted to drop off the call and stop wasting my time, I would stay for the entertainment.”

That’s not feedback. That’s someone venting their frustration. There’s nothing actionable there.

Step #2: LEARN from what IS useful.

“It literally felt like she was reading off a teleprompter — very unnatural.”

This told me I wasn’t connecting. So I worked on being more conversational and speaking from the heart instead of over-rehearsing.

Feedback worth keeping is specific, actionable, and helps you improve.

• “Your slides were hard to read” → Make bigger fonts
• “You didn’t answer my question about pricing” → Add a pricing slide

Step #3: CHURN = Make changes quickly and move on.

Don’t stew on feedback for weeks wondering if you should change something. Implement the useful feedback immediately. Then move on.

After that teleprompter comment, I immediately stripped my slides of speaking notes. Never used them again in virtual presentations. Why? Your eyes reading notes is so obvious on camera.

I didn’t spend a month thinking: “Should I delete my notes? What if I forget what to say?” I churned quickly. Made a better product. Kept moving forward.

My friend Jess Ekstrom just wrote a whole book about this.

In Making It Without Losing It, she talks about the difference between external validation (waiting for everyone to love you before you feel successful) and internal validation (knowing you’re on the right path regardless of what others think).

Because if you’re waiting for zero negative feedback, universal approval, or the perfect moment before you feel successful… you’ll never feel successful.

​Jess’ book is a must-read for every overachiever. I texted many friends screenshots while reading.

It’s hilarious, relatable, and one of two non-fiction books in the last 18 months that were actually page-turners.

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How This Helps You Get What You Want

Stop letting mean feedback or external validation control whether you feel successful.

BURN what’s not useful.
LEARN from what is.
CHURN = Keep moving forward.

The rest? Let it go.