How to ask for what you need at work without sounding weak

The Problem

You ask for something at work, but you undermine your own ask. Even though you are trying to be polite, your Pitch Pullback (pitching something but pulling back or overly softening the request) decreases your efficacy and perceived confidence. I’ll demonstrate this with a personal example and then tie it to work. Here’s a text from a friend who is “pitching” me to take her child to my daughter’s birthday party. She “pulls back” in two ways:

1. She labels the ask as an “inconvenient request.”
2. She tells me I can “definitely say no.”

This Pitch Pullback can increase the likelihood someone says no because it:

1. Primes them that this is an inconvenient/bad/annoying thing to do
2. Gives them an out, which they might want to take

Mostly though, it risks you, as the asker, looking weaker and more timid than you probably are.

The Big Small Thing

When you request something from someone else, make your ask, mic drop, and move on. There’s no need to qualify or downplay the request; you’ll come across much more confident.

Let’s take a look at my response to the text. Not only am I not inconvenienced, I am delighted to help out. There was zero cost on my time and energy to do this. In fact, I was thrilled. This mom does a lot to help me out given my busy schedule, and finally I could return the favor! What she saw as “inconvenient” I saw as “opportunity.”

Also, while I understand her intention was thoughtfulness, no need to tell me I can “definitely say no.” When I am asked to do something, I already feel empowered to reply with one of two responses: yes or no.

The downsides of a Pitch Pullback apply as much at work as they do at home, so let’s look at how you can avoid it in a professional setting.

✅ Can you help me for 1 hour this week on my sales report?
❌ Can you help me for 1 hour this week on my sales report? All good if you’re swamped and can’t.

✅ Are you up for leading the team meeting this week instead of me?
❌ This request might stress you out when you already have a lot going on, but are you up for leading the team meeting this week instead of me?

✅ What does TPS stand for again?
❌ Urg. Sorry for being annoying about yet another acronym definition, but what does TPS stand for again?

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How This Helps You Chase What You Want

Confidence is key when chasing what you want and getting it; however, at work each day, there are so many micro ways we shout, “I’m not confident.” When you lead with a qualifier, downplay your request, or diminish your positioning, you increase the chance the other party will say no. As a tech executive, I see these “Pitch Pullbacks’’ all the time. However, those who avoid them shine as high-potential employees. Make these easy tweaks, and you will shine too.