Getting unfair feedback from your boss? 3 smart ways to handle it like a leader.

A coaching client, let’s call her Lisa, recently forwarded me an email from her boss.

He had given her some pretty obnoxious feedback.

Confusing, contradictory, and completely out-of-the-blue.

The kind that makes you think, Are you just looking for things to ding me on? 

Her boss literally said: “Give more detail… but also be shorter.”

Lisa’s crushing it with her client and billing lots of hours.

So getting this random email felt like a mini witch hunt.

The Problem

It’s hard to receive feedback you don’t agree with — especially from someone you don’t enjoy working with.

And it’s even trickier when that person is ranked higher than you.

It’s tempting to push back. You want to explain yourself or “clarify the misunderstanding.”

But there’s a hard truth I need you to hear:

Arguing doesn’t make you look right.

It makes you look defensive.

And that kills your chances of being seen as a leader.

Quick story…

When I was leading a large team at Google, I gave a senior team member some feedback.

Instead of acknowledging it, he came back with a spreadsheet of 13 examples proving I was wrong.

All it proved to me was that he wasn’t coachable. In my mind, it was a nail in the coffin for his leadership potential.

Because if you can’t take feedback without making it personal, how can I trust you with bigger responsibilities?

The Big Small Thing

Next time you’re tempted to write a dissertation defending yourself…

Resist.

Instead, follow my 3-step plan:

1. Repeat their feedback back to them.

Don’t just say “Got it.”

Reply with something like:

“Thanks for your feedback. I hear you on X, Y, and Z, and I’m going to work on those moving forward.”

It shows you listened, understood, and are taking it seriously.

2. Show your receipts.

The next week, send them an example where you applied the feedback.

Bonus: Show the “before” and “after”:

“Here’s how I originally wrote this. And here’s the revision after remembering your feedback on X. Thanks again. It’s been helpful.”

Pro tip: Include links for the before and after versions. Leaders love visuals.

3. Ask if they’ve noticed a difference.

In your next one-on-one, ask:

“I’ve been focused on applying your feedback about X. Have you noticed an improvement?”

Now they’re on record saying yes, which makes it harder for them to hold that feedback against you later.

Just to be clear… this isn’t about rolling over.

It’s about playing the long game so you protect your reputation, avoid looking defensive, and make it impossible for them to say you’re not improving.

Want more? Here are 8 tips to help you say “no”!

How This Helps You Get What You Want

Great leaders know how to take unfair or poorly communicated feedback without making it personal.

They don’t waste political capital on proving they’re “right.”

They use it to show they’re coachable, strategic, and focused on the bigger picture.

Take the high road and the smart road.

Because the goal isn’t to win the argument.

It’s to win the promotion.