An unexpected way you’re holding yourself back: the False Consensus Effect

The Problem

You hold yourself back from doing certain things at work because you think everyone will see things the way you do. For example, you don’t talk about your wins because you think it is bragging, and you assume your higher-ups will think it is bragging too. This is a classic cognitive bias called the False Consensus Effect (FCE). It states that people wrongly assume that, just because they feel a certain way or believe a certain thing, the general population does too. 

The Story

My son, Ari, is on swim team with his close friend, Ollie. Practices are five days a week, and swimmers come when they are able. Ari gets more excited to go on days when Ollie is going. When the boys were playing on a recent Thursday AM, Ollie said to Ari that he’d see him at swim team that afternoon. However, Ollie forgot he had a conflict, so he didn’t go. I got a text from his mom that night:

“Ollie was worried that Ari might be upset with him about swim practice tonight. He forgot we had plans. I wanted to fall on the Mom sword and let Ari know it was my fault for not letting Ollie know what was happening.” 

She wrote that Ollie had even said to her, “Mom, Ari is counting on me to be at swim tonight; I can’t let him down.”

They feel like they’ve disappointed Ari. Fair enough; no one likes to let down a friend. However what’s happening here is a classic example of False Consensus Effect. Ollie and his mom assumed that because they felt this was a let down, Ari would feel that way too.

But here’s what actually happened:

I asked Ari if he was upset that Ollie wasn’t at swim that night.

Ari’s verbatim response:

“Ollie wasn’t there? I didn’t notice.”

Well there you have it. 

Two people are in the same situation. And they see things so differently.

The Big Small Thing:

When you assume everyone else thinks the same way you do —especially if those thoughts are negative — it creates anxiety. By recognizing and labeling it False Consensus Effect, you can feel more empowered and make bolder choices in life.

Here’s a work example:

• Situation:  You have a big customer win. You email your boss with a few bullets about the success, but you don’t cc their boss on it because you don’t want to add one more email to their inbox. Plus, per above, you assume they’ll think it’s braggy.
   
• False Consensus Effect: You see this clogging their inbox and assume they will too. They see it as useful. In fact, they were looking for customer wins to bring to their boss’s weekly meeting, and this saves them 10 minutes of proactively asking around for business wins that week. Also, they don’t see it as braggy. In fact, they note you as a future leader because leaders need to talk about their team’s success.

When you notice an FCE situation, try this statement:

“Even though I think this action is X. Someone else might think it is Y.”

X might be, “Selfish, rude, or braggy.” 

But Y might be, “Bold, understandable, or helpful.”

How this helps you get what you want.

When you have limiting thoughts, you limit your potential. Overthinking how someone might interpret your action is a distraction; it gets in the way of doing high-leverage work that requires focus or creativity. Also, when you stop basing your behavior on how you assume others think, you take more action. And succeeding in life requires action. 

Let’s do this,