3 mindsets that transform networking: Gainer, Grower, Giver

Last October, I walked into a small conference for entrepreneurs on a mission.

My book was launching in a few months. I had a mental list of people I needed to meet.

Every conversation mattered. Every connection was strategic.

One night, I pulled out my laptop at the venue and asked someone to help me optimize my book launch landing page. We spent an hour working on it together.

I wasn’t there to help people that year. I was there to be helped.

This year at the same conference? Completely different.

I had no agenda — just there to see friends I genuinely care about and let conversations happen organically.

The Problem

Most people show up to conferences, offsites, or networking events the same way every time.

Either you’re working the room and collecting business cards. Or you’re always hanging back, keeping it casual.

But here’s what interesting:

Your needs change depending on where you are in your career, your business, and your life.

Showing up the same way every time means you’re either exhausting yourself when you don’t need to, or missing opportunities when you should be taking them.

The Big Small Thing

Before you go to your next conference, offsite, or networking event, ask yourself: “What do I need right now?”

There are 3 modes you can be in:

1. GAINER: You need help, connections, or opportunities.

You’re launching something, looking for your next role, or building something new.

What this looks like:

• You do your homework before the event — who’s going, who you want to meet
• You’re shameless about asking for introductions
• You steer conversations toward your goals

(Remember, being “Shameless” is a good thing. I write all about it in chapter 3 of my book Wild Courage.)

2. GROWER: You’re open, curious, and seeing what emerges.

You don’t have a burning problem to solve. You’re there to absorb, learn, and reconnect.

What this looks like:

• You go with no agenda
• You prioritize time with people you genuinely enjoy
• You’re open to serendipity

3. GIVER: You’re there to help, teach, or contribute.

You have knowledge or connections that could help others. You’re leading a session or intentionally showing up to give back.

What this looks like:

• You’re staying up late preparing to lead a session (like I did at another conference when I taught people how to hit the New York Times bestseller list)
• You’re making introductions and opening doors for others
• You’re focused on contribution, not extraction

All three modes are valid. You just need to match your approach to your season.

Last year, I needed to be a Gainer. This year, I needed to be a Grower. At another event, I was a Giver.

None of those approaches were wrong. They were just right for different moments.

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How This Helps You Get What You Want

When you’re clear about what you need from an event before you walk in, you stop missing opportunities because you’re being too casual when you should be strategic.

Or feeling guilty for not “networking hard enough” when you’re actually in a season where you need rest and organic connection.

Before your next conference or offsite, ask yourself:

Am I a Gainer, a Grower, or a Giver right now?

Then show up accordingly.