3 reasons you should confidently ask for what you need

Last week, I had a problem.

I had a client meeting scheduled from 5 – 6 pm with an important business partner.

My daughter Noa’s holiday gymnastics performance was also at 6 pm and a 15-minute drive away.

I couldn’t move the meeting. We’d already rescheduled it twice and I’d be mortified to ask again.

But I also couldn’t miss Noa’s performance. I try hard to be the mom who shows up to all the events that are important to my kids.

So I sent this text to Noa’s gymnastics coach:

I was nervous. I didn’t want to be “that mom” asking for special treatment.

But you know what happened? She said yes immediately. “No worries at all.”

The Problem

You don’t ask for what you need because you’re afraid of being an imposition.

So you stay silent.

You miss your kid’s performance because you “couldn’t” move the meeting. You work through the holidays because you “couldn’t” ask for time off. You skip the family dinner because you “couldn’t” leave early.

Most of the time, accommodating you is easier than you think. And people are happy to help.

The Big Small Thing

Ask for what you need. People will usually say yes.

(This is being NOSY. Nosy is one of the nine traits I write about in my new book Wild Courage. It means asking questions most people are too afraid to ask.)

3 things I’ve learned about asking for what you want:

#1. You’re not re-dividing the pie. You’re expanding it.

I thought asking to move Noa’s group would inconvenience everyone else. But it didn’t. Bronze still went first, Silver went after. Nothing changed for anyone else, and my anxiety was assuaged.

Win win.

#2. If it’s truly a burden, people will say no.

I trust that if moving the schedule was too complicated, they would’ve told me. Adults can advocate for themselves. This goes for both sides.

Your job isn’t to decide for them whether your ask is reasonable. Your job is to ask.

#3. The worst thing that happens is they say no, and you’re in the same position you’re already in.

If they’d said no, I would’ve missed the performance. Which is what would’ve happened if I hadn’t asked. You lose nothing by asking.

How to apply this during the holidays:

Ask your boss: “Can I leave at 3 pm on the 23rd to catch my flight? I’ll finish this project before I go.”

Ask the school: “My son has a doctor’s appointment at 2 pm. Can he present his project first?”

Ask your team: “Can someone cover this meeting? I have a family obligation I can’t miss.”

Most of the time? They’ll say yes.

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How This Helps You Get What You Want

Fortune favors the bold. Closed mouths don’t get fed.

I was so anxious about sending that text. But I sent it anyway. And I got to be at my daughter’s performance and keep a value-creating client meeting.

This week, ask for one thing you need.

Don’t decide for other people whether it’s too much. Just ask.

The worst they can say is no.